


Snuffles

by WolfstarGarden



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Prompt Fic, R/S 24 Hour Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 17:26:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13369593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarGarden/pseuds/WolfstarGarden
Summary: James is used to the Marauders trading pranks. But if Sirius is going to pretend to be an actual dog, then he'll have to take the consequences.





	Snuffles

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt: pet sitting for a friend, and if you want to you can include the following words: sweater, dinner, vase, neighbour, bowl
> 
> Rated for language. James is sweary.
> 
> I went James-centric ... does that count?? I mean, the plot is Wolfstar so...

_Hey Prongs, mind looking after Snuffles while I’m away for the moon? Sirius is outta the country and we can’t leave a dog all alone for three days. Ta, Remus._

James had read the note so many times the parchment was starting to crumble. He glanced from the scrappy note to the black dog sitting by his feet and back again. He scowled at the beast. “Honestly – this is the most ridiculous prank you’ve ever tried to pull on me. Just transform, Padfoot. You’re being an even bigger twat than usual.”

The dog just gave him a grinning pant and thumped its tail against the floor, rattling the tin bowl it had arrived with.

James sighed. “Fine, have it your way. But don’t think I’m going to play along with this. If you want to be stupid for three days and eat dog food, that’s _your_ problem.”

Sirius – or _Snuffles_ , apparently – was really laying it on, James thought. For example, if he went to the bathroom Snuffles followed and scratched persistently at the door until James emerged again. “Fuck off, Padfoot!”

Or when he sat down to read and Snuffles tried to climb into his lap. “Padfoot, now you’re just really pissing me off. Oh, get _off_ , you’re too big! How long’re you going to play this idiot game?” The dog licked his hand happily and smiled at him through its pale eyes. James plotted revenge.

A little later, Snuffles went to the door and started whining. James was tempted to leave Sirius with a full bladder and force him to stop being an arse. “No, fuck that,” he suddenly decided, jumping onto determined feet. “I’m not letting you win, Sirius. You wanna disgrace yourself publicly, then _let’s go_.”

James swung open the front door and strode out, Snuffles prancing behind him.

He marched proudly into the park across the road and pointed with a crowed, “There you go, Padfoot!” But the bear-like dog just licked his hand and bee-lined for a shrub. James cringed and turned his back.

A few moments passed and then a loud and angry female voice hollered through his distraction. “Oy, wanker! Keep your beast on a leash!” James snapped around to see a young woman, not much older than himself, trying to push Snuffles away from her. With a rill of horror, James realised the dog’s head was _under her skirt_.

He raced over, apologising profusely. Dragging Snuffles furiously by the collar, James hissed, “What the absolute fuck are you doing, Sirius? You can’t sexually assault my neighbour! You just wait, pervert – I’m telling Moony where you had your nose.” He glared at Snuffles who beamed up at him, tail wagging cheerily. “What, haven’t you done enough yet? Just transform, would you? Oh, I am going to get you two back _so_ big time.”

James stalked back home, scowling at the concerned looks his neighbours threw him. He probably looked crazy, but he was too cross to care.

James slammed the door so hard the whole house rattled. “Stay there, mongrel.”

The next couple of days were a lesson in hell. There seemed to be no level of disgrace Sirius wasn’t prepared to endure.

An antique vase was shattered when a low-swooping tail swept his coffee table clean.

Lily’s favourite sweater was torn to strips in an apparent bout of boredom while James was in the shower.

Lily was due back the same day as Remus claimed to be retrieving Snuffles. James, being a good and attentive boyfriend, had prepared a splendid dinner. When he heard the front door swing open James bounded from the kitchen to meet Lily in the hall. She had just settled into his touch when an almighty _crash!_ echoed from the kitchen, muffled by the sounds of shattering china.

“SIRIUS!” James bellowed, thundering back through the house. Lily trailed, bemused, in his wake. “Why, _why_ would you do this, Sirius?” James shouted at the dog crouched on the floor, staring up ambivalently through pale eyes. “Like you haven’t been driving me insane enough with this ridiculous _joke_ , but now you’re going to ruin things for Lily as well? _Is nothing fucking sacred with you?_ ”

“Uhm ... James?” Lily touched his arm gently.

“No, Lily! Those berks seem to think this is some huge lark, and the last three days-!”

“James,” Lily said forcefully. “That’s not Sirius.”

“... What?” James shuddered to a complete stop, turning slowly to face Lily. She appeared to have suffered some sort of brain injury while on her mission. “Lily – Remus dropped him here three days ago with a note and a dog dish. Of _course_ it’s Sirius.”

Lily spoke very clearly – obviously she thought James had some acquired brain injury himself. “James ... Sirius has been with me, in France, on assignment for the Order, for the past ten days. He left me one hour ago to collect Remus from his den, and they should be here – ah! Right now.” The doorbell had just chimed. Lily cast him a last concerned look as she went to answer the door.

James frowned after her then turned to scowl at Snuffles. The animal was busily devouring the spilt food, casting the odd furtive glance towards James. “She’s in on it too, huh? I’ve got you sussed, Sirius.”

“Have you now?” came a cheery voice from behind him. James froze, then slowly, slowly span around.

In the doorway, behind Lily, stood a very tired looking Sirius and a very bruised looking Remus, arms wrapped tight around each other. James stared. He felt the colour run out of his face. He couldn’t speak. On the floor, the big black dog continued to scrounge.

“Oh, Prongs, thanks so much for watching Snuffles for us,” Remus said, slipping away from Sirius’ possessive hug and dropping to kneel next to the dog, who barked happily and pounced into his arms. “Did you have any trouble?”

James floundered. Lily arched an eyebrow and turned to Sirius. “James has apparently been under the impression that he has been pet-sitting _you_ these three days, Sirius.”

Sirius roared with laughter, pounding his hand into James’ shoulder. “You’re kidding!”

James was drenched with dawning horror ... all those hideously irritating things ... the indifference to his tirades ... the mortifying behaviour ... and he hadn’t even _tried_ to take care of the dog – James had genuinely thought he was playing a battle of wills with his best mate. Nausea swamped him. “Oh sweet Merlin...”

Remus squinted up at him through blood-shot eyes. “Prongs, what the hell?”

“I – I thought you two were trying to prank me!”

Sirius snorted. “Please, we’d have come up with something better than that.”

“You don’t have a dog!”

“We adopted last month. From a shelter,” Sirius said, as if it were old and obvious news.

“James,” Remus was staring at him as though he were being intentionally thick. “Surely the fact that Snuffles is a _girl_ is a bit of a giveaway?”

The colour rushed back into James’ face – maybe too much colour. “I didn’t check!” he fussed.

Sirius clapped him again. “Oh Prongs, you’re so precious. You’re pranking yourself now, how wonderful.”

Remus gave him a Look as he slowly straightened; Sirius was by his side in a moment, steadying him. “C’mon, let’s get home. Let this idiot and Lily catch up.”

“Yeah, okay,” Sirius said. “We need to get you into bed anyway.”

Remus smiled at him, a suggestive twinkle in his sleepy gaze. “Yes ... ten days is too long.”

“Out!” James snapped, but he was grinning too. He caught them both in a quick hug as he steered them towards the door, deliberately avoiding the bedroom eyes they were casting each other.

It was only after he’d locked the door behind them that James realised they’d left Snuffles behind.


End file.
